Have you known someone who has experienced a tragedy in their life? I have. Have you known how to help them find hope after your tragedy? I did not. Did you try to avoid them? Did you say platitudes to them? Did you just decide to be there to help them? Let me tell you what people did for me that hurt me and what people did to help me. Also, let me tell you what The Holy Bible taught me.
First, I want to address why we should help others in the midst of a tragedy. The answer is because The Holy Bible is full or one another commands. Let show just a few of the commands.
- Mark 9:50 — be at peace with one another.
- John 13:34, 1 Peter 1:22, 1 Peter 4:8, 1 John 3:11, 1 John 3:23, John 15:12, John 15:17, 1 John 4:7, 1 John 4:11and 2 John 5 — love one another.
- Romans 12:10 — love one another and outdo one another in showing honor.
- Romans 12:16, Romans 15:5 — live in harmony with one another.
- Romans 14:13 — do not pass judgment on one another.
- Romans 15:7 — welcome one another.
- Romans 15:14 — instruct one another.
- Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20 and 2 Corinthians 13:12 — greet one another with a holy kiss.
- 1 Corinthians 6:7 — do not have lawsuits against one another.
- 1 Corinthians 11:33 — wait on one another.
- 1 Corinthians 12:25 — care for one another.
- 2 Corinthians 13:11 — comfort one another and agree with one another.
- Galatians 5:13 and 1 Peter 4:10 — serve one another.
- Galatians 5:15 — do not consume one another.
- Galatians 5:26 — do not provoke or envy one another.
- Galatians 6:2 — bear one another’s burdens.
- Colossians 3:13 — bearing with one another.
- Ephesians 4:32 — be kind to one another and forgive one another.
- Ephesians 5:19 — address one another with songs hymns and spiritual songs.
- Ephesians 5:21 — submit to one another.
- Colossians 3:16 — teach and admonish one another.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:18 — encourage one another.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11 — encourage one another and build one another up.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:15 — seek to do good to one another.
- Hebrews 3:13 — exhort one another.
- Hebrews 10:24 — stir up one another to love and good works.
- Hebrews 10:25 — meet with one another and encourage one another.
- James 4:11 — do not speak evil of one another.
- James 5:9 — do not grumble against one another.
- James 5:16 — confess your sins to one another and pray for one another.
- 1 Peter 4:9 — show hospitality to one another.
- 1 Peter 5:5 — clothe yourself with humility to one another.
- 1 John 1:7 — fellowship with one another.
Given this information let me tell you what I experienced. The day after Laura committed suicide I went to church, it was Sunday and the family that I had left was my church. I arrived early because I stayed the night before at one of my pastor/friend’s home. Upon arrival I went outside and helped to pass out water to people who parked in a shared parking lot with the local high school who then rode a bus to the Minnesota State Fair. I did this because somehow ministering to others helped.
In the church that morning I sat at the back of the church against the wall because I wanted a quick escape in case I broke down. I was praying as I was preparing to worship. As I looked up, I saw four couples, who were friends, coming back towards me. They sat down by me. The closest one to me leaned over and said to me, “we did not want you to be alone.” I was immediately comforted because I was not alone. I found that this was the most effective way to be ministered to at the time. It is what I call the ministry of presence.
Another example was a few weeks after Laura’s suicide I went to lunch with my friend Troy. He had wanted to go to lunch because he was interested in how I managed to go through all I had gone through. I told him it was simple. I trusted God to get me through it. After a fairly short time after finishing talking about my trial Troy changed the subject to the Minnesota Twins, my baseball team. Again, this helped me realize that there was a life outside my trials and I was hopeful for some kind of normal.
In talking to other suicide survivors, we all agree that the best thing you can do is to be present, to ask if you can help, to ask how you are doing, to be willing to sit in silence with them.
The do nots are also important. People should not quote Scripture verses that seem to be platitudes to the hurting, avoid the person in the midst of their tragedy, preach to them about how to get better, expect that the person will be finished with their grief immediately. Let me tell you it has been eleven years and two months since Laura committed suicide and there are still times when I burst into tears for no apparent reason. So, please never ask someone if they are finished grieving their great tragedy assume rather that they are not until they tell you otherwise.
People who experience great tragedies do not heal in two months. I have yet to meet anyone who is completely healed from a great tragedy. They are all better than they were but there are still things that will trigger their grief. It is never as intense as it was in the beginning but it is none the less real.
So, join me in helping others find hope after their tragedy. Understand that when we help them to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, we bring them hope after everything that happens to us. He promises us, “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV) Then you will be prepared for anything which gives hope. The death of Jesus Christ on the cross satisfied the penalty for my sins and yours as well. It satisfied all my sins from the past, in the present and in the future. My penalty and yours was satisfied on the cross by the death of Jesus, God’s greatest act of love and wrath, who became sin for me and you. It was also God’s greatest act of faithfulness because “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (ESV) Because wisdom shows us, we need to believe in Jesus. I hope that you join me in helping others to choose Jesus.
If you have not read my previous blogs, you can find them here.
You can find my book, Hope Amid Hopelessness: Our Abba Father Provides a Way Through Mental Illness here.
eBook or Audiobook versions can be found at Westbow Press or Christianbook.com at Amazon or Google.
